Lessons Learning

As our oldest son stands at the threshold of Independence, I have begun to look over the past 16 1/2 years of parenting with an evaluative mind.  What have we done well?  What do we need to change for the sakes of our next three children?  Let me share a couple of thoughts with you…

• Don’t look around for the world’s best parenting formulas.  When I first became a mother, I read all the popular books, magazines and gained much insight from the world on parenting.  That conflicted many times with the Word of God on parenting, and that ended up just confusing me.  I always chose what was easiest at the time, so that usually meant a behavior-modification program or doing nothing at all.  I walked by sight, not by faith.  My advice?  Stand alone on the Word of God.  Even when it’s difficult, act in faith and know that God has revealed His perfect instructions on parenting in His Word.  It doesn’t seem to make sense to spank a child, does it?  The world tells me in my heart that it’s pointless and harmful.  Yet, the Bible says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from him.  It also tells us that the rod will actually deliver his soul from hell!  This is just turn-you-upside-down and right-side-out kind of thinking!  But, I’ve done this in faith and seen it work.  If you are completely anti-spanking, cleanse your paradigm from the abusive, non-restorative spanking you may have experienced or known about.  We are talking about spanking that is done NOT in the heat of the moment, but out of self-control.  The purpose is to demonstrate that there are real consequences to our sins.  Then, after this consequence of spanking, there is a time of discussion that includes confession and asking for forgiveness.  “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1: 9).  And, to see my children relieved because of that cleansing is such a blessing!  We actually have a closer relationship with one another because they know their sins are washed away and they are now restored.  The world had fooled me in my earlier years of parenting into believing that time-outs were a wise discipline technique, but when we use time-outs solely and in substitution for God’s biblical instruction on parenting, then we are saying our wisdom is greater than God’s wisdom.  Walk out in faith and parent as God has instructed us to do.  Believe me, you will be thankful when your children are mature and responsible and self-controlled teenagers and adults.

 

• Saturate your home with the Word of God.  I believe my biggest mistake in the early-mid years of parenting was that I became lazy with this.  I mean, we home schooled!  We attended church regularly!  Good churches, too, where my husband and I were growing spiritually!  We hung out with Christian families!  But, God has showed me in the past year that oftentimes I depended more upon these methods than upon the actual Word of God.  I was assumptive when I believed that doing these things would just turn out Christian adults one day.  I underestimated the power of the world around them and the sin within their hearts.  While all those things are good, we cannot put the responsibility on our pastors or on our home school curricula for training our children in the ways of the Lord.  The very scripture passage that drove us to home school was not consistently being lived out…”You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”  (Deuteronomy 6: 5-9)  My advice?  Don’t be lazy.  Pray for the ability to weave God into all of your world.  Wash your children with the Word of God.  Memorize scripture individually and as a family.  Pray together.  Read the Word together.  Establish daily discipline of personal time in the Word when they’re young.  Make decisions based on the Bible.  Discuss these things with your children.  Look for eternal applications in temporal things. 

 

• Protecting your kids may not be the most important thing as a parent.  That sounds very odd, I know.  Of course we are to protect our children, but I’m talking about protecting them so much that they never experience hurt, or trials, or failure.  Years ago I heard an expression that made an impact on me:  “She protected her son all the way to jail.”  We can keep our children from experiencing the consequences of their actions so much that they never learn there are actually consequences to wrong-doing!  One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn to do is to allow my children to fail.  It’s so difficult to watch it happen, and I often want to step in as the protective Mama Bear, but we need to guide them in these lessons and we need to equip them with ways to deal with failure or trials.  My advice?  Trust God.  Seriously, it’s that easy…and that hard.  But, I’m learning to really believe that God is a GOOD God and He is in control.  His Word tells me in Romans 8:28 that He works all things together for GOOD to those who love Him.  I’ve had to humble myself and admit that God can take care of my children better than I can. 

That’s it for now…I’m definitely learning more lessons than just these three things, but it’s time to get back to real life now. 

Rejoicing always, Wendy

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